Update.

      Wow! So much has happened in the last year! Last year around this time my wife and I were having a hard time. I stopped paying tithing and I went about it the wrong way. I tend to do things the hard way, not sure why. 2015 was a year of amazing progress, both personal and in my relationship with my wife and family. There was a lot of anger inside me that I had to learn to let go. Katie helped me see that. We have both made big compromises because we love each other.
       One thing that has helped me feel less angry is learning about philosophy and alternative spirituality. Looking beyond organized religion has been awesome. I feel like religions are just in it for the money, There are some that do good in the world, but a person can be just as good or better without making about religion. Epicurus has been one of my absolute favorite philosophers to read. His views are so common sense. Bertand Russell is amazing as well.
        Studying Psychology has been an amazing help to me as well. UVU has very open-minded teachers, I have taken advantage of all the paper I have to write by choosing topics that are related to religion and Mormonism. This gives me an outlet and a chance to study both sides and look objectively at the Church instead of just being angry,
\       I am not sure what god I believe in, I don't believe in the God of the bible or of Mormonism, Sometimes I am told that I lost the "twinkle in my eye"? I am told that I am not as happy as I used to be. I am told that I NEED to hurry and find out what exactly it is that I believe in now. No one bothers to ask how I feel, they like to tell me how I feel based on what the church says I should feel. That is frustrating, but despite that I am so much happier than I used to be, happier with myself, I don't feel broken or inadequate. Instead, I feel I have so much more potential. I am not tethered to the narrow worldview handed to me at birth. Mental and spiritual freedom. Instead of fretting about what is or isn't considered a sin, I can base my actions on what I feel is good and bad. Sometimes I see people I love that still believe, they are suffering because of guilt and shame that are piled on them for simply being human. The church is funny, they say, "Be Perfect", but at the same time they say you can never be perfect. I wish I could have nothing to do with Mormonism, but I am tied to it forever. I am glad that I am open about my unbelief so that I can experience some degree of independence.
       My oldest child is being baptized this Saturday. His grandfather will baptize him. It will be strange, but I will be there for him. I hope he knows that I love him and I am proud of him. Sometimes I wonder if he will stay a believer, he is very inquisitive and not satisfied with easy answers. I am the same way, that is why I studied my way out of religion. There is always two sides to the coin. I can't help but look at both.
       During 2016 I want to build on the progress I have made this year, I want to be a better dad and husband. I think that I will ask to have my name removed from the records of the church. Cutting that cord will help me be there for Katie with no other strings attached. I will be there purely for her and the kids. The church will not be able to claim me as a part of their numbers in their inflated annual reports. No interviews from authority figures intended to impose goals and self-image that are not in line with how I want my life to be. I love the people in the ward, I will gladly associate with them as friends and neighbors, but I don't have to share their beliefs to do so.
     

Fraud ≠ Doing your best

     I have been told many times that we should trust all that the church leaders say, they speak to God so they can't/won't lead us astray. Now that I am looking closer at some of the things our leaders have said, we do a 180 and say that "of course we should not listen to all that they say, they are just human, sometimes they will not fully understand what God told them and sometimes they are just giving their own opinion and they are wrong. They are just doing the best they can." That is scary, a group of men that have millions of people that would take every word that they say from the pulpit as the word of God, they could tell them anything, they have a unique power over a huge number of people. Many of the things that have been taught for years and years were so incredibly offensive and immoral that in light of PR issues, the leaders of the church have changed the doctrine, saying that their predecessors were wrong. Generations of people lived and died thinking that blacks were the seed of Cain, the representation of evil on Earth and millions of them were denied the blessings of the Church and taught that they were to be servants in heaven, because those men used their power and authority to push personal, racist opinions on them as if it was literally the word and law of God. If they truly had a line of communication to the divine, would a loving Heavenly Father allow this to continue? Why would he allow it to go on for so long? And don't tell me it is because of the culture of the times. God would not bow down to adverse public opinion. If you say he would deny black people the priesthood to keep the whites happy, please take a moment to think about who you think God is.
     The lies and fraud of Joseph Smith are too many to pass off as just an imperfect man doing his best. The fact that he used God as the source of so many of his lies is the worst part for me. Like when he said that God sent an Angel with a drawn sword to kill him if he would not practice polygamy in secret, without the knowledge or consent of Emma, she was the 25th woman to be sealed to Joseph! Or the entire section 132 of D&C. Or the illegal bank that he started in Kirtland and used to steal money from so many saints that believed him when he said that God told him to start this bank, and that it would swallow up all other banks and last until the second coming. He used God to get money.

So how can we believe the words of a fraudulent thief? If he used God to get money, do we really believe that it was God that commanded him to practice polygamy/polyandry, or plagiarize masonic symbols and practices, or create a fictitious book of Abraham? Would God allow Gordon B. Hinckley to spend millions of dollars of tithing money on fraudulent documents to hide them away because they made the church look false? I think that if God thought that tithing were so important, and if he really guided and directed the prophet, he would have been able to see through the deception and sent Mr. Hoffman on his way.
      If Pres. Monson today said that all the members need to put their money into the Bank that would swallow up all banks, and it went belly-up and he skipped town and was later convicted in court, would you still think that he was a true prophet? Why do we give Joseph so much slack? He was a deceiver, a greedy, perverted liar that used religion to get his way. People are disgusted with Warren Jeffs, but he is following the example of Joseph Smith more than any modern LDS prophet.
    To believe in Joseph Smith is to believe in a God that is worried about public opinion, that commands leaders to lie, that used be racists, but is not so much anymore, that used to be okay with polygamy/polyandry but these days would send you to hell for masturbation/sexual thoughts, that would let members of His own church starve while billions were spent on a mall that sells that vain things of the world, that would create someone as a homosexual and then have them tortured and shown porn to try and make them strait.
     The church does some amazing things, I have been a part of the good things of the church. But all churches have and do good things. That does not mean that God also did the bad things, it means that the men that did the bad things had to put on a good face so that others would follow them.

Book Of Abraham

For me, the Book of Abraham is one of the biggest reasons for losing my testimony. It is what gave me real reason to doubt the Book of Mormon and study everything I could about its translation.

• In the description of the BoA it states that it was written by the hand of Abraham while he was in Egypt.

We know for a fact that is not true. It was written many centuries after Abraham lived. 

• It gives direct translations from the images on the papyrus. 

ALL of Joseph's translations are completely bogus. What makes it look worse it that Joseph Smith undertook the task of de-coding the Egyptian alphabet. His work can be seen, and it is absolute, incoherent nonsense. It sounds like a child making things up as they go. 

Please see for yourself: 

http://josephsmithpapers.org/paperSummary/grammar-and-alphabet-of-the-egyptian-language-circa-july-circa-december-1835?p=59#!/paperSummary/grammar-and-alphabet-of-the-egyptian-language-circa-july-circa-december-1835&p=61

Some of my favorites are:

• Hoeoophahphaheh:  Patriarchal government; or authority; a land governed according to the pattern or order given to the patriarchs or fathers; rules and laws <of a goverment> administered by the direction of Heaven or God. a people living under the law<s> of the gospel: or that law by which they may be sanctified and see the face of God.
• Toan low ee tahee takee toues: under the Sun: under heaven; downward; pointing downward going downward; stooping down going down in<to> another place,= any place: going down into the grave— going down into misery= even Hell; coming down in lineage by royal descent, in a line  by onitas one of the royal families of the Kings the of Egypt.
• Zub Zoal eh: In the days of the firstpa trarch of patriarchs In the reign of Adam; in the days of the first patriarchs; in the days of Nooh; in the blessings of  Noah; in the blessings of the children of Noah; in the first blessings of men; in the first blessings of the church:

NOTE: He used Zub, Zub Zoal, Zab, Zip Ziz, ect.. many times with many different definitions. 

• Zab: eh Having been within= in the earth= in the sea; in any thing; b[e]ing applied to any condition or situation, to express one thing <or principle> or being in another.
• Zub: a road or a highway; leading up or to: the time for going up to the altar to worship: <going up before the Lord.> bing caught up, going to be caught up, having been caught up.
• Zab zoal: From the beinng [beginning] of the creation until now; pointing out or designating at the present time; having foreordained, or decreed or having before seen; For instance: Abraham haveing been chosen before was sent by commandment into the Land of Canaan: Having preached the gospel unto the heathen, was fore warned of God to go down into Ah=meh= strah, or Egypt, and preach the gospel 
• Zool— from any or some fixed period of time back to the beginning of creation showing the chronology of the patriarchs the right of thepriesthood, and the lneage through whom it shall be con tinu[e]d by promise, begining at Abraham signifying the promises made to Abraham  saying through thy fruits, or the seed of thy loins, shall the gospel shall be preached, unto all the seed meaning  from Noah, and unto all the kindreds of the earth.
• Zi: most virtuous, comely and beautiful, modest and chaste, being taught most perfectly and upright.
• Zi oop hah— A young virgin unmarried woman

Next time you see a good looking young lady you can call her a Zi oop hah! Thats hot!

• Ho-e-oop:  A prince of the royal blood a true desendant from Ham, the son of Noah, and inheritor of the Kingly blessings from under the hand of Noah, but not according to the priestly blessing, because of the trangrissions of Ham, which blessing fell upon Shem from under the hand of Noah

Note: Joseph loved the phrase, "Descendant of Ham" He used that to describe the "ancient person" who wrote the Kinderhook plates as well. 

• Ziss Zi: -is the same of the fourth only increases or lessens five degrees. 

There is a lot of talk about degrees, I am not sure what that is all about. 

• Ha e oop hah— honor by birth, kingly powerby the line of Pharoah. possession by birth one who riegns upon his throne universally— possessor of heaven and earth
• Kiah broam = Kiah brah oam = zub zool oan
• Ho oop hah Queen Kah tou mun, a distinction of Royal <female> lineage or descent, from her whom Egypt was discovered while it was under water, who was the daughter of Ham.

So was God just messing with Joseph, or was Joseph messing with us?  I personally think that he made this up, and that he made up everything else. I know that the church teaches people to be good, but good can be found all around us. I don't need to give myself to a false religion in order to be a happy, nice, person/good parent.  Name one christian religion that teaches people to to mean, steal, cheat, or that preaches against the family. Not even Atheists promote those things. I don't believe that salvation is gained through doctrines of Joseph Smith or that the baptisms of good, faithful people around the world are discounted because they were not performed by an imaginary priesthood. 

Here is what Scholars that have looked at the BOA have to say:

• Dr. Arthur Mace, Assistant Curator for the Department of Egyptian Art of the Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York: 

The Book of Abraham, it is hardly necessary to say, is a pure fabrication. Cuts 1 and 3 are inaccurate copies of well known scenes on funeral papyri, and cut 2 is a copy of one of the magical discs which in the late Egyptian period were placed under the heads of mummies. There were about forty of these latter known in museums and they are all very similar in character. Joseph Smith's interpretation of these cuts is a farrago of nonsense from beginning to end. Egyptian characters can now be read almost as easily as Greek, and five minutes' study in an Egyptian gallery of any museum should be enough to convince any educated man of the clumsiness of the imposture. (F.S. Spalding, Joseph Smith Jr., As a Translator,  

1912, p. 27) 

• Dr. A. H. Sayce from Oxford, England: 

It is difficult to deal seriously with Joseph Smith's impudent fraud. The facsimile from the Book of Abraham No. 2 is an ordinary hypocephalus, but the hieroglyphics upon it have been copied so ignorantly that hardly one of them is correct. I need scarcely say that Kolob, &c., are unknown to the Egyptian language. Smith has turned the goddess into a king and Osiris into Abraham. 

• Dr. Flinders Petrie of London University: 

They are copies of Egyptian subjects of which I have seen dozens of examples. They are centuries later than Abraham. The attempts to guess a meaning for them in the professed explanations are too absurd to be noticed. It may be safely said that there is not one single word that is true in these explanations. 

• Dr. James H. Breasted of the Haskell Oriental Museum, University of Chicago: 

It will be seen, then, that if Joseph Smith could read ancient Egyptian writing, his ability to do so had no connection with the decipherment of hieroglyphics by European scholars...The three facsimiles in question represent equipment which will be and has been found in unnumbered thousands of Egyptian graves...The point, then, is that in publishing these facsimiles of Egyptian documents as part of an unique revelation to Abraham, Joseph Smith was attributing to Abraham not three unique documents of which no other copies exist, but was attributing to Abraham a series of documents which were the common property of a whole nation of people who employed them in every human burial, which they prepared... The "problem" is if I accept that the Book of Abraham merely "originated" with the scrolls and is not an actual translation then I also have to try and accept that God and Joseph decided to fool me into believing a true scripture by telling me it was a translation when it was not a translation. I stewed in that "God is an occasional liar for my benefit" paradigm for a few years. Certainly, many LDS folks go through a similar process.  

The ultimate cognitive dissonance here is that either God lies to convince me his scripture is true or  Joseph lies. I decided that Joseph lied, even if the gospel he promoted is "good," even if the Church has a good influence on peoples lives, I was not going to believe in a God that lies to me to bolster his claims; therefore, I conclude that Joseph was a fraud.  

I hope the true believers in the Church understand that folks like me are not against them. I sincerely hope the brethren find a way to navigate this human disaster that maintains many of the positive, unique aspects of LDS culture. They should've started dealing honestly with this issues a hundred years ago. Instead, we received "lying for the lord" for 100 years and now we receive obfuscating for the lord. I suppose I'll call that an improvement, but we deserve better. 

• Robert K. Ritner Phd, Professor of Egyptology University of Chicago and Assistant Professor of Egyptology at Yale University: 

Text of 4 horizontal columns (Smith’s Figs. 12, 13, 14 and 15). The beginning of each line is lost and has been restored wrongly in later editions by the insertion of hieratic text from the Breathing Permit of Hor and the Book of the Dead of Ta-sherit-Min, copied upside down and backwards to the direction of the hypocephalus text. (The Joseph Smith Egyptian Papyri: A Complete Edition.) 

• Dr. Arthur Mace, Assistant Curator of the Metropolitan Museum: 

A Figaro of nonsense.  

• Dr. John Peters of the University of Pennsylvania, who conducted an expedition to Babylonia in 1888: 

The interpretation of the plates displays ignorance. 

• Prof. C. S. A. B. Mercer, custodian of the Hibbard collection of Egyptian reproductions at the Western Theological Seminary: 

None of these, either human or divine, who helped in Joseph Smith's translation had any conception of the most commonplace Egyptian Characters.  

• Dr. Edward Meyer of the University of Berlin and Dr. von Bissing of the University of Munich: 

The papyrus which Joseph Smith declared to be the Book of Abraham and explained in his fantastic way, are parts of the well-known Book of the Dead. 

• Further reading on this subject can be found in: Thompson, Stephen E., and Manuelian Peter. Der. Egypt and Beyond: Essays Presented to Leonard H. Lesko upon His Retirement from the Wilbour Chair of Egyptology at Brown University, June 2005. [Providence, R.I.]: Dept. of Egyptology and Ancient  

Western Asian Studies, Brown University, 2008. Print. 

Is this really God talking?

I read D&C 132 - This is in our current version of LDS official scripture. The whole section is interesting, but I wanted to look at 44-66. Read the whole section for yourself, it starts off by indicating that these are the very words of Jesus Christ, not what Joseph thought that Jesus might think about it, but it written as if Jesus was there addressing them by name. Here are the verses that I ask you to read:

44 And if she hath not committed adultery, but is innocent and hath not broken her vow, and she knoweth it, and I reveal it unto you, my servant Joseph, then shall you have power, by the power of my Holy Priesthood, to take her and give her unto him that hath not committed adultery but hath been faithful; for he shall be made ruler over many.

 45 For I have conferred upon you the keys and power of the priesthood, wherein I restore all things, and make known unto you all things in due time.

 46 And verily, verily, I say unto you, that whatsoever you seal on earth shall be sealed in heaven; and whatsoever you bind on earth, in my name and by my word, saith the Lord, it shall be eternally bound in the heavens; and whom so ever sins you remitted on earth shall be remitted eternally in the heavens; and whom so ever sins you retain on earth shall be retained in heaven.

 47 And again, verily I say, whomsoever you bless I will bless, and whomsoever you curse I will curse, saith the Lord; for I, the Lord, am thy God.

 48 And again, verily I say unto you, my servant Joseph, that whatsoever you give on earth, and to whomsoever you give any one on earth, by my word and according to my law, it shall be visited with blessings and not cursings, and with my power, saith the Lord, and shall be without condemnation on earth and in heaven.

 49 For I am the Lord thy God, and will be with thee even unto the end of the world, and through all eternity; for verily I seal upon you your exaltation, and prepare a throne for you in the kingdom of my Father, with Abraham your father.

 50 Behold, I have seen your sacrifices, and will forgive all your sins; I have seen your sacrifices in obedience to that which I have told you. Go, therefore, and I make a way for your escape, as I accepted the offering of Abraham of his son Isaac.  

(Jesus promising Joseph Smith Exaltation and thrones in Heaven)

 51 Verily, I say unto you: A commandment I give unto mine handmaid, Emma Smith, your wife, whom I have given unto you, that she stay herself and partake not of that which I commanded you to offer unto her; for I did it, saith the Lord, to prove you all, as I did Abraham, and that I might require an offering at your hand, by covenant and sacrifice.

 52 And let mine handmaid, Emma Smith, receive all those that have been given unto my servant Joseph, and who are virtuous and pure before me; and those who are not pure, and have said they were pure, shall be destroyed, saith the Lord God.  

("all those" refers to the plural wives that Joseph took before the revelation was given. God is retro-actively approving a previously condemned practice now that it is out in the open. Jesus is commanding Emma to accept those women as part of her celestial family. Jesus also indicated that some of those other wives are not "pure" and that they will be destroyed. So Joseph will be forgiven and exalted, and the girls that he convinced to marry him will be "destroyed.) 

 53 For I am the Lord thy God, and ye shall obey my voice; and I give unto my servant Joseph that he shall be made ruler over many things; for he hath been faithful over a few things, and from henceforth I will strengthen him.

 54 And I command mine handmaid, Emma Smith, to abide and cleave unto my servant Joseph, and to none else. But if she will not abide this commandment she shall be destroyed, saith the Lord; for I am the Lord thy God, and will destroy her if she abide not in my law. (Wow, self-explanatory) 

 55 But if she will not abide this commandment, then shall my servant Joseph do all things for her, even as he hath said; and I will bless him and multiply him and give unto him an hundred-fold in this world, of fathers and mothers, brothers and sisters, houses and lands, wives and children, and crowns of eternal lives in the eternal worlds. 

(Jesus stated here that even if Emma will not forgive him, God will bless Joseph with all those things -including wives- again, the woman has no choice but to comply or be destroyed, but Joseph can get away with taking wives of other living men and small girls.)

 56 And again, verily I say, let mine handmaid forgive my servant Joseph his trespasses; and then shall she be forgiven her trespasses, wherein she has trespassed against me; and I, the Lord thy God, will bless her, and multiply her, and make her heart to rejoice. 

(Jesus again commands Emma to forgive him, and only if she does will he forgive her, forgive her for being angry at Joseph for lying to her and cheating on her for years and years)

 57 And again, I say, let not my servant Joseph put his property out of his hands, lest an enemy come and destroy him; for Satan seeketh to destroy; for I am the Lord thy God, and he is my servant; and behold, and lo, I am with him, as I was with Abraham, thy father, even unto his exaltation and glory.  

(Jesus again and again talking about Joseph's exalted status)

 58 Now, as touching the law of the priesthood, there are many things pertaining thereunto.

 59 Verily, if a man be called of my Father, as was Aaron, by mine own voice, and by the voice of him that sent me, and I have endowed him with the keys of the power of this priesthood, if he do anything in my name, and according to my law and by my word, he will not commit sin, and I will justify him.

 60 Let no one, therefore, set on my servant Joseph; for I will justify him; for he shall do the sacrifice which I require at his hands for his transgressions, saith the Lord your God. 

(Jesus here stated that no matter what Joseph has done, don't worry about it "for I will justify him" So Joseph will be forgiven because of a "sacrifice" that the Lord will require of him.)

 61 And again, as pertaining to the law of the priesthood—if any man espouse a virgin, and desire to espouse another, and the first give her consent, and if he espouse the second, and they are virgins, and have vowed to no other man, then is he justified; he cannot commit adultery for they are given unto him; for he cannot commit adultery with that that belongeth unto him and to no one else. 

(Jesus explains the correct procedure of procuring plural wives. The 1st wife must consent, and she needs to be a virgin - Joseph married many women without the consent of Emma and at least 11 women that were not virgins)

 62 And if he have ten virgins given unto him by this law, he cannot commit adultery, for they belong to him, and they are given unto him; therefore is he justified.

 63 But if one or either of the ten virgins, after she is espoused, shall be with another man, she has committed adultery, and shall be destroyed; for they are given unto him to multiply and replenish the earth, according to my commandment, and to fulfil the promise which was given by my Father before the foundation of the world, and for their exaltation in the eternal worlds, that they may bear the souls of men; for herein is the work of my Father continued, that he may be glorified. 

(Jesus explains that if a woman shall be married to two men, she is an adulterer and will be destroyed - but a man can do that, that is ok with Jesus. Here Jesus explains that the purpose of polygamy is to be fruitful and multiply and replenish the earth - so that means SEX)

 64 And again, verily, verily, I say unto you, if any man have a wife, who holds the keys of this power, and he teaches unto her the law of my priesthood, as pertaining to these things, then shall she believe and administer unto him, or she shall be destroyed, saith the Lord your God; for I will destroy her; for I will magnify my name upon all those who receive and abide in my law. 

(Here "Administer unto him" means to have sex with him. So the plural wives will "administer unto him" or "be destroyed saith the Lord your God" - He then goes on to say that he will magnify all those who follow his commandment of having children ie. sex)

 65 Therefore, it shall be lawful in me, if she receive not this law, for him to receive all things whatsoever I, the Lord his God, will give unto him, because she did not believe and administer unto him according to my word; and she then becomes the transgressor; and he is exempt from the law of Sarah, who administered unto Abraham according to the law when I commanded Abraham to take Hagar to wife. 

(Here Jesus again states that the woman needs to accept polygamy -"all things whatsoever I, the Lord his God, will give unto him" refers to multiple wives that should be ok with having sex in order to have children.   - And if she does not, she, the woman who does not want to be one of many sex objects, who does not want to subject her body to a man with many wives, she is "the transgressor")

 66 And now, as pertaining to this law, verily, verily, I say unto you, I will reveal more unto you, hereafter; therefore, let this suffice for the present. Behold, I am Alpha and Omega. Amen. (Thats all for now, if I think of anything else later, I will let you know, Jesus-over and out)

Does those really sound like the words of the Savior? Do you feel the spirit while reading them?Or do you feel anxious, or embarrassed? Do you feel like you have to take common sense, and twist into knots before it would seem that those are the words of the Supreme Creator of the Universe? Don't you think that defending the perverted actions of a liar is a little below God? I don't think he is petty enough to do that. Nor do I think that God would speak that way to one of his beloved daughters. Would he condemn innocent women that were forced into illegal marriage but exalt the man who forced them into it? Would Jesus really threaten to destroy Emma, who had been lied to for years? Jesus forgave the woman who was taken in adultery, but he would destroy Emma for not being ok with Joesph having many wives behind her back? Is it more likely that Jesus would do this, or that Joseph took advantage of the fact that the people trusted that he was the mouthpiece of God and made it sound like god was on his side? Do we believe in a God that would say or do these things? 

Saying that Joseph was just an imperfect man, doing the best he could simply is not accurate. If he was truly doing the best he could, he would have admitted his wrongdoings and forsaken them, instead he used his position of power to make it seem that God had planned it all and he was merely obeying God's Command. That is not just a human mistake, but is evil deception - and that is why it is black and white - that is why either the church is true, or it is not - because it is built upon Joseph Smith and his revelations. "Mormonism must stand or fall on the story of Joseph Smith.  He was either a Prophet of God, divinely called, properly appointed and commissioned or he was one of the biggest frauds this world has ever seen.  There is no middle ground.  If Joseph was a deceiver, who willfully attempted to mislead people, then he should be exposed, his claims should be refuted, and his doctrines shown to be false."  (Doctrines of Salvation Vol. I pp.188-189 Joseph Fielding Smith) 

D&C 132:1 stated that, " I, the Lord, justified my servants Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, as also Moses, David and Solomon, my servants, as touching the principle and doctrine of their having many wives and concubines—"

But the Book of Mormon stated in Jacob 2:24 - "24 Behold, David and Solomon truly had many wives and concubines, which thing was abominable before me, saith the Lord."

To me this shows how J.S. used "revelation" to get what he wanted, and often contradicted himself (Which makes it look like God contradicts Himself).